W4 Month Mark Tuesday

Why is it now that it is so imperative to 'eat clean' I am not doing so good these last few days????? I'm letting a little of everything in... mayo, provolone, sangria... pasta twice today...I gotta quit it...

Breakfast: Cinnamon Organic Oatmeal with 1 banana mixed in
Lunch: 1 Chicken Salad Sandwich on Whole Wheat (light mayo), a small side of pasta with red sauce
Snack: Red Globe Grapes, 1 Activia yogurt
Recovery Meal: the rest of my nuts and raisins mix
Dinner: Cheese tortilini (1 serving about 400 calories) with olive oil, basil, tomatoe, salt and racked pepper. I wanted to eat the whole package of pasta (2.5 servings, but the calorie count stopped me from doing it and 1 serving actually ended up satisfying me) 1 bag of baby carrots (35 calories)

Sal's doing a great job subbing for Rudy. He was so motivational last night and just real tonight. The group had a fun time I think laughing with him and I really enjoyed his extra explanations of the moves.

Tonight I challenged myself with going up to a higher dumbell than before. I left the 7.5 lbs and looked for the 10 lbs... none to be found, so I said to myself, 'What the heck? Let's go for the 12.5 lbs. Crazy? Possibly! I actually took the 7.5 with me too just in case.

I actually was able to hang with the 12.5 on the shoulder presses and the axe/chopping movements. I should have switched to the 12.5 on the hands together, chest presses on our back because it has gotten a lot easier even with the 7.5! I needed to switch to the 7.5 though when we did ab work flutter kicks and dumbell chest presses a the same time. DARN THOSE FLUTTER KICKS! I struggle so badly with them. I'm going to try to do the Crunch! Fitness Pilates 10 minute abs on my off days, because it seems my abs just aren't showing too much improvement... they're barely in existence!

Sigh! I'm going through an emotional slump in my life right now. It's the first time that something like this has crept in since I started the program. I can apply the same attitude that helps get me through the pain during the workouts to this emotinally painful time: I know it won't last, I just have to keep on keeping on, keep doing what I am doing, keep working and it will be through and I will feel better afterwards, I just cannot give up. I must keep moving. I can do it... I am doing it. All this pain is worth it because I am only becoming stronger while getting rid of all the excess weight that has been stressing me out and making me unhealthy; I am building up a new me.

So, I didn't know how this 'bummer outeness' would affect my workout. Would I increase, decrease of keep the same productivity? Well when I go there, my attitude was different, just wanted to get started, get going... no real spark in me, until we got to the one-two-punch and two knees. I was rapid fire, murderlizing it! Afterward, I told Amy that it really helped. I wasn't fighting anyone in particular, just fighting the disappointment, the unfair judgements and my own anger. One other aspect of the workout that really helped me was the difficult floor work. It was really hard, but I was still doing it and when I was accomplishing it, I realized that that is where I was. I felt good getting it done and pushing myself. I felt good about myself, just being in the moment, under the stars, everything working, surrounded with like minded people sharing a simiiar experience, thinking of nothing else but there.

Tomorrow is a day off from the gym.